he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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