I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
