I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
