the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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