If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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