Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
sarcasm needs its own font
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
