the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
