Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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