I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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