Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
