Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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