Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize