We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
