Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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