She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
