dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
