Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
