Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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