I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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