He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
