you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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