He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
