What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
