is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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