We're like a lot better than the average bears
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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