people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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