she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
