He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
