Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
