I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
