so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
