just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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