i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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