Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this boner is exhausting
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
