He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
