Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
