I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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