My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
