this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
