how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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