Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
