the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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