Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize