Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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