Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
