she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
