I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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