Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
