so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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