I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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