Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
