there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
