Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Everything about him screamed your future.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
