Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
