i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
