I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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