Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
