one might say we're banned from that church
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
