i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
