I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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