mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
