she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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