i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
