Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
