If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
