ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
