I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
