Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
