i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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