i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
