just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
