you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
