I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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