Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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