I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am puke
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
